You are more than a number

NaNoWriMo is about the enter it’s second week and my word count sits stagnant at just over 3,000 words. At first I was really mad at myself., and I found myself caught in a loop of thinking that basically went:
“You are a failure”
“You can’t do anything right!”
“How did you mess this up?!”
Yeah… not so great.
I wallowed there for a couple of days and then last night I realised something: I really enjoyed writing those 3000+ words. I have loved interacting with various writing communities on Facebook and Twitter; the friendships and support is wonderful to experience and even better to be a part of.  Additionally, those 3000 words are more than I have written in a really long time because I self-edit and criticise to the point of destruction. The whole point of my participating in NaNoWriMo this year was so that I broke that cycle; and once I stepped away from the familiar negative thought cycle I realised that I had.
I am writing every day. No, it’s not thousands of words, it’s not even hundreds but every day I am writing. Everyday I am thinking about my world and my characters, and creating dozens more. I want to take this month as a time to build the habits of being creative every day, and right now that means building a diesel unk interbellum London. With this in mind I plan to spend the rest of this month not focused on numbers but on world-building. I may make it to 50,000 words, but maybe I won’t and you know what? That’s okay.
For me writing is an act of self-care and by comparing myself to others I was not engaging with that, quite the opposite actually.
So, I am freeing myself from my word-count.
I am no longer going to bemoan not meeting the 1,667 daily target, instead I am going to focus on creating something every day, because I want this story to exist outside of November and more importantly, I am more than a number.

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